Introduction
The purpose of this blog is to build a community. This community will help us all as parents build a better home life. This is a response to my experiences with my two teenage boys and navigating their growth and use of technology. I want to be as open and honest with you as possible. I will start with the simple admission that not everything I tried worked well. Some things did not work even as well as I had planned.
While extreme, my family situation is not too far from many. I am divorced. The kids came to live with me early in their Primary School years. They communicated with their mother primarily via Skype. That meant that computers would always be a part of their lives. They needed to use it in private. Any single parent knows the issues caused by being seen as an “overly controlling parent.” This perception causes problems when courts are involved. Messy became the norm in my life and, in all honesty, continues to this day. I did not start this blog until now partly because I didn’t want to be seen as airing dirty laundry. So, as I’ve probably overshared at this point, we can all move ahead and start.
The children had to move to live with their father. Balancing the challenges of this move required them to use technology to keep in touch with their mother. A solution needed to be found quickly. The reality was that they were too young for anything but a simple tablet. After some research, I decided to go with Android-based options. This is a decision I would repeat, although I am sure there are many who would go the other way. This led to my first “naughty action.” To use the Google Family Safety device controls, the children needed their own account. Yet, they were both too young to have one.
Mandated Age Limits
This will divide the audience soon, but it is something that we must discuss frankly have a meaningful debate about. I will not use this platform to vent. I was forced to break the guidelines. I set up guardrails to keep my children safe. This is infinitely safer than just letting them use my device. Do you as a parent hand your phone or tablet to you children so they can play on it? Do you know everything they do on it the whole time? Can you?
Using Google Family Safety (now called Family Link) made it possible to define device usage. It controlled what could and could not be done on the devices. It also specified even when it could be done. In short, that one rule break was the biggest single improvement I made to my family life. The boys could use their devices in private. I was confident that they were only doing things I was prepared for them to do. The controls also meant they could install apps on their devices with approval. However, the amount of time they could spend on any given app was restricted. Additionally, I established a schedule for device usage and set up a charging stand in the hallway. No devices were allowed to be charged in their rooms, and they stopped working at 19:30. This also removed the constant point of conflict triggered by the inevitable “Come on, you’ve had enough on your devices…”
In our next post, we will look at how we can evolve the solution to the remaining gap… The actual internet sites that children can get to. While Google Family Link goes a long way, you will want some additional safety at home.